The Pause Between Breaths: Chapter 2
A midlife women's fiction story about loss, fate, second chances, and the loves who find us in every lifetime.
**If you haven’t read the first chapter yet, start here:
Goosebumps sprout along my arms, tingling up to the skin behind my ears. I came to Aleta for relief. To gain clarity, or perspective, or—something. I wasn’t expecting an actual psychic reading, and I didn’t really believe I’d connect with my daughter. Still, Aleta’s words chill me to the bone.
“How could you know about—” I stammer as I ease myself back down onto the couch. I squeeze my hand around the butterfly charm in my pocket.
Aleta stares directly into my eyes. “What happened with Andrew?”
My breath hitches. “How do you know about Andrew?”
A siren screams from the street below.
Aleta’s face stays serene, as if I haven’t asked anything at all.
“I outgrew him.”
“He wasn’t a sweater, dear.” She pats my knee. “I know you came here to connect with your daughter. But you also came to save your life. You’re stuck. You think if you stand still long enough, the pain will lift. But—”
“I can’t move forward,” I admit, my voice deflating like a pricked balloon. “My internal momentum is just—gone.” I think of the collage I still haven’t finished. Karner’s clothes I haven’t donated. At one point, I even thought I’d bring a date to Andrew’s wedding. I cringe at my own magical thinking.
Aleta shakes her head. “Andrew stepped out into the world. He found love again. Don’t you think he hurt, too?”
I blink. And then again.
“You wanted me to be happy after Karner died? I was in shock, Andrew.” The words from one of our last fights echo in my head. I can almost smell the dead flowers that wilted in the corner of our kitchen. I loved her more than—
“And I didn’t?” he yelled back. “You think because I’m moving forward that I loved Karner less?” You don’t get the medal for most pain here. That’s not how this works!
Tears prick behind my eyes. He was right. You can love someone who is gone and still move forward. I just haven’t figured out how to do both. I look down at my feet. “You were right. I am slowly dying.”
“This new person will help you, if you let them.”
“Right,” I chortle. “My destiny is on his way.”
“I guess you could call some people your destiny.” Aleta scratches the side of her head. “Or you could just see them as a person who helps you work out your shit. You won’t learn anything from him. You’ll simply become more yourself because of him.”
I wrap my arms around myself to comfort against her words and also block them out.
“It’s the emotional friction that will save you,” she says. “It will sharpen your boundaries, make your needs more urgent. For you, Ever, that friction will force you back into feeling. Don’t you want to move away from this persistent ache?”
I imagine eating dinner with a faceless man. Laughing. Talking. Holding hands. A lightness flickers in my chest.
Aleta continues. “Karner wants you to understand that the energy of love cannot change, die, or shift. It has no timeframe, and it’s not confined to distinct lifetimes. She wants you to be open to this love. Beyond the baggage you have created together, before.”
“Before what?”
“Before you forgot.”
“Forgot?” I cock my head to the side.
“So, what kind of man do you think you’d like?” Her eyes sparkle like a little girl about to spill a secret. “Tall? Thin? What’s your thing?”
I lean back. “This would make a great book, right? Maybe I should tell my neighbor, who’s a novelist. She could write her next bestseller about one couple in different lifetimes.” I smirk. “We can call it The Pause Between Breaths.” I move my hand in front of my face, like I’m reading the title on the air.
“He has lovely eyes,” Aleta pushes on. “And he’s on his way.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, I’m not dressed to meet the love of my life. If you could just stop time, I’ll go on a mini-shopping spree first.”
A pink light flickers on Aleta’s watch. She smiles. “He’s here!”
I catch myself waiting to hear the buzzer.
It doesn’t ring.
A pang of disappointment settles in my gut.
“Well, I’ve learned enough for today. I just wanted to make sure that Karner is okay, and it sounds like she’s honkey-dorey on the other side. I have to get to the cemetery anyway. It’s the anniversary of her death, but I’m sure you knew that.” My fingers slide over my MoneyTap in my bag, initiating payment. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for the full session.”
“He’ll always find you,” Aleta says softly. “You just have to remember.”
“Remember what?”
“You’ll see.”
I raise my eyebrows, waiting for more explanation. But Aleta just stares into space like she’s watching a movie only she can see.
“Okay then.” I grab my bag and dart to the front door. I need to get out of this apartment, away from this woman, who’s a charlatan anyway.
Probably.
I pull the handle and glance back over my shoulder. “I’ll tell Dev—”
Thwack.
What the—
I’ve marched right into the man waiting on the other side.